Grief Ages You  Katie Jameson #3

#3 of a 4 part series

No matter how hard I try, I can’t rid my face of these deep-rooted lines. The ones that settled themselves into my skin when I couldn’t un-crumple my face from agony. There is an exhaustion that lives in my features that no skin cream can cure, these lines have been earned through trauma & sleepless nights of bad dreams. ⁣
⁣Beyond the sadness you feel after you lose a loved one, beyond the bone-deep sorrow and flutters of confusion - there is a raggedness that settles into your features, and strangely the hard lines seem to soften you, making it clear you have a heart that has seen dark days. ⁣
⁣Grief ages you. It makes you wiser, softer, harder, less approachable, more empathetic, aware of time, aware of useless conversations, and braver to say exactly what you feel. ⁣
⁣Aged beyond my years is how I feel, and why wouldn’t I? ⁣
I have lived through my son's entire life already... I have seen the start & the end of something precious. ⁣
⁣And yet... I keep putting on my cream. I’ll keep slathering my lips with ointment and I’ll push & pull the skin around my eyes to make the lines disappear for a moment. I’ll look younger in a certain light, I’ll look fresh with a coat of cover-up. But underneath it all, the years are there. ⁣
⁣If I wear them proudly or not, they remain. 
And some days, I am proud of them. Some days, I see the age that coats my features and thinks “⁣I survived”. 
I survived. 
⁣The years of loss, and love⁣.
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