I had always known that I was put on this Earth to be a Mama. I dreamed of it. I wanted it so badly. So, in March of 2017, when I was using the restroom, I noticed some blood and it wasn't time for my cycle just yet. Immediately, my intuition was that something was wrong. Isn't it weird how our bodies know these things? My husband and I decided that we would go grab a test at the store. Those two little pink lines appeared on a home pregnancy test and I was filled with more joy and excitement than I have ever experienced in my entire life. It was finally happening! But, why did I also feel something so deep in the pit of my soul that it was going wrong? My husband and I went to the Emergency Room that night due to some pain and the bleeding not stopping. They confirmed the news that there was a little one growing inside of me and that I was two weeks along. Too early to hear the heartbeat, we were told to return by the end of the week to confirm that my levels were increasing. That night we celebrated, even knowing what was really happening, but we had hope. I was teaching at that time, so I had to be on my feet a lot throughout the day. Upon going to work a few days after the ER visit, I had to run to the bathroom before school had even started. The school nurse called my husband and he came to get me to rush me to the ER. We went to a better hospital this time, which was closer to my job. Waiting for what seemed like forever, I prayed. I prayed and prayed and prayed. I sat in silence. Then, it came. Those awful words that no Mama wants to hear. “The baby isn't going to make it. I am so sorry.” My levels had dropped even lower. We then discussed our options and went with the shots to get the process moving. Worst. Day. Of. My. Life. The months following my miscarriage were hard. I cried a lot and felt like my dreams of becoming of mother would never come true. What did I do wrong? Could it have been prevented? Why me? My husband, Ryan and I gave ourselves some time to heal and eventually decided to try again, once the doctor cleared us. I was so afraid that it wouldn't happen or something would go wrong again. We started our infertility journey in January of 2018. We started by taking Clomid. One round of Clomid. Then, after EXACTLY ONE YEAR of trying, medicines and countless prayers, I found myself taking a home pregnancy test once again. There were those beautiful pink lines—it was positive once again. Same time as 2017, but in 2018, we conceived again. Our Angel baby would have a birthday a day off from our Rainbow baby. How ironic that story is to tell! We scheduled our first baby appointment with our doctor and waited again to hear our baby's heartbeat. March 2018, we headed to the doctor's office for the much-anticipated appointment. I was a nervous wreck, but thankfully, my husband was there to hold my hand and reassure me we were in this together. The doctor came in and the next thing I knew we were listening to the sweetest, most beautiful sound I have ever heard. Our baby had a heartbeat! Tears of joy filled my eyes. Due date October 25, 2018. In the months to follow we learned that we were having a boy!
Labor was...long, to say the least. We were in the hospital for a week.
72 hours of labor and 4 long hours of pushing. Then, on October 26, he was here, our Rainbow baby! He came on what would have been our Angel baby's birthday! I have never felt happier or more in love than I did the day my son was born. My whole world changed that day, just as it did on the day, I suffered a miscarriage. I thank God every day for blessing me with such a beautiful, healthy baby boy. He is so perfect in every way!
I wholeheartedly believe that without the rain, there would never be rainbows!
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