How to Find Time for Yourself as a Mom

I'm a mom, but I'm also a person.

Raising teens comes with rides, schedules, conversations and a household that somehow still expects dinner every night. Somewhere in all of that, there's also you: your interests, your friendships and the things you enjoy doing simply because you enjoy them.

Finding time for yourself as a mom can mean making a few practical changes to how the week runs. Let's start small.

Name what you want time for

“I need a break” is real, but it can help to get specific. Would you like to read without interruption, see a friend, take a walk or spend an hour on a hobby?

Choose one thing and a realistic amount of time. Ten minutes can be a starting point. You don't have to fill it with something productive.

Look at the week you actually have

Check the school schedule, work, appointments and transportation before picking a window. Look for a time when care needs are covered and you aren't trying to squeeze three other things into the same space.

If the week is packed, ask which commitment could move or wait. Adding a personal appointment to an already impossible calendar can leave you more frustrated.

Share ownership of household tasks

If you have a partner or other available support, talk about a whole task someone else can own, including planning and following through. Dinner, a school pickup or laundry can involve more than the part everyone sees.

With teens, agree on responsibilities that fit their abilities and support needs. Examples might include putting away their laundry, loading the dishwasher or preparing a simple lunch. Be clear about what needs doing and when.

Try: “I'd like to have this time on Saturday. Can we work out who handles dinner and the rides?” Make a plan you both understand.

Say the boundary out loud

People can't always tell that your quiet moment is time you've deliberately set aside. Explain it:

• “I'm going to read for twenty minutes. Please save non-urgent questions until afterward.”
• “I can't take on that extra commitment this week.”
• “Let's plan the rides tonight so I can keep my appointment tomorrow.”

Adjust the boundary to your family's needs. The aim is a workable agreement, with room for things that genuinely need your attention.

Plan around the support you have

Not everyone has a partner, nearby family or money for childcare. Start with what is available rather than a plan that assumes a whole village is waiting in the wings.

If it's an option, consider a trusted friend, a reciprocal arrangement or an existing supervised activity your child enjoys. When support is limited, a shorter window at home may be more realistic. That limitation doesn't mean you're doing anything wrong.

Let one optional thing wait

You may need to leave a non-urgent chore unfinished to keep your time. Decide what can safely wait and what truly needs doing today.

It's okay if guilt shows up. You can notice that feeling and still keep the small commitment you made to yourself.

Try one change this week

Pick one activity, one time window and one practical change that makes it possible. Tell the people involved. Afterward, see what worked and what needs adjusting.

If you're looking for ideas for that time, our realistic self-care ideas for busy moms are a good place to start. Your time can also be wonderfully ordinary: your show, your book, your friend, your choice.

xo,
Sarah

Keep reading

• Nine realistic self-care ideas for busy moms
• Navigating parenting differences with your spouse
• More parenting conversations

About Sarah
Sarah Komers is the founder of Mom Culture® and a mom of three, sharing honest conversations about motherhood, midlife and raising good humans.