The moment I decided I wanted kids I knew I wanted my first child by 24. I would assumably be done with college, be married and have a job. Perfect right? Well I got married at 21 and by 22 I decided I was ready a little earlier to have a child. Months went by with only 1 line on the pregnancy test. A year of trying and I wondered what was wrong with me? After being diagnosed with Poly Cystic Ovarian Syndrome, basically my body doesn’t work and I would need a little help. We did all the genetic tests, we paid for a round of fertility treatments so we could maybe have a shot. After successfully conceiving during the “fertile window” we were so ecstatic. This was our shot at parenthood after a year and a half. Maybe it wasn’t as long as those who have tried for many, many years but we wanted a child so badly it hurt. Before we got a chance to announce to our friends and family, I miscarried. I was devastated. All I wanted was to be able to be a mother, to hold a child in my arms and love a tiny person unconditionally. I was told I couldn’t conceive naturally. One Sunday I was asked to give a talk on faith. I chose to talk about my struggle with infertility. I talked about being so young and feeling so helpless. Feeling like I should be able to have a child like everyone else but my body just couldn’t. I talked about having faith even when things seem to be at their worst. I knew that there was nothing I could do but leave it up to god to choose when and what we would do to bring a child into our family. I couldn’t get through my talk without many tears. Quite a few more then my normal amount when I have to speak in front of the congregation. That’s when I knew something was up. I immediately went home and took a pregnancy test. I assumed it would be negative since there was no way we could be pregnant without a second round of treatments. But to my astonishment it was positive. I couldn’t believe that I was pregnant. I was so scared, so worried I would lose this one too. My body was broken so how could it carry a child for 9 months? How can I get my hopes up just to be crushed again? Fate, destiny, God, whatever you call it, sent me the most stubborn, independent, take on the world with fire and passion kind of child there is. She is afraid of absolutely nothing but has a heart of gold. She is my rainbow after the storm. She has brought so much sunshine and happiness to our family. She now has a younger sister and she is an amazing big sister. No matter where you are in this journey to motherhood, never forget that someday will come. It may not always be in your timing or in the way you had planned, but if you hold out hope and keep your faith, one day your child will come.
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