After having my son, I didn’t want another child for a few years, so I got an IUD. About a week after my son turned 1 I had what I thought was a period. I thought it was weird since I had just had a period 2 weeks prior. I called my doctor because suddenly my cramps intensified and I was hurled over in pain. She said to come in that day so we could check out what was going on. When I went in they had my go to the lab to give a urine sample and I thought nothing of it. When I got in the doctor’s office they said “you’re pregnant.” I immediately started bawling my eyes out. I had a baby inside of me that I wasn’t expecting, but so desperately didn’t want to lose. I knew losing the baby was a huge possibility because I had the IUD in and my cramps were horrible. I had to take blood and then come back 48 hours later to draw blood again and see if numbers were rising or dropping. These were the longest 2 days of my life. I remember checking my lab numbers online every 10 minutes with anxiousness. I was having a girl’s night with a friend, trying to take my mind off of things when I finally got the results. My hormone levels dropped. I was sick to my stomach, ashamed, embarrassed, sad and so confused. 

I decided after that experience that I didn’t want to wait to have another child, but my partner did want to wait. It was so hard. Before getting unexpectedly pregnant I had wanted to wait a few years. Now I was depressed and felt lonely over a baby that in reality, I was actually trying to prevent in the first place. 

Another year and a half passed and my partner finally got on board with me and decided it was time for another one. Luckily, I got pregnant in our first month trying and had my rainbow baby girl in October of 2016. It’s hard to think of the baby I lost, but it’s also hard to think that if I had that baby I might not have my perfect girl that I have now. 

-Brittney L.