My Journey to Becoming a Mother

Written by: Katie Y.

I grew up always picturing I would be a mom.  When I met my husband, we knew we wanted to have kids, but we would start with a dog.  Then entered our first born, Cassy, our Golden Retriever.  If you are wondering if you can handle a baby, get a puppy first.  In a lot of respects, I felt having an 8 week old puppy was way harder than babies.  Babies do less damage to your house, LOL.  My mom boss journey started soon after adopting Cassy when I started my first business, Collar Me Charming.  This was during the Etsy boom, so things went quite well for some time.

After 4 years of marriage, we decided we were ready to take the plunge into parenthood.  After 2 months of trying I was pregnant with our first child, a boy, Landon.  Everything about his pregnancy was perfect, he was perfect.  We were beyond blessed.  You know when things go so right, your scared something is bound to go wrong.  That’s the feeling I always had.  When Landon was about two years old, we decided to start trying again.  Boom pregnant again, but this time it was short lived.  Within a day I found out I was pregnant, I found out I was miscarrying.  I was devastated.  Of course, we heard the same old: it happens to a lot of women, it’s not your fault, there was nothing you could have done. I loved how the Mom Culture was so open about miscarriage and sharing their stories.  Really helped me get through that time to learn I was not alone.  We tried again 3 months later and BOOM pregnant again (I’m definitely Fertile Myrtle over here). 

With this pregnancy, we were so cautious, as you would be after a miscarriage.  At 9 weeks, we heard the heartbeat. A relief! Everything was fine. We started to tell close friends and family.  I was finally ready to enjoy my pregnancy.  When I went in for my NT scan, I was sooo happy to see the baby. To me it was perfect.  But then the doctor came in.  Something was really wrong.  I will not get into the technical details, but the baby had chromosomal problems as well as multiple anomalies.  Doctor was surprised it lived as long as it had.  Crushed, numb, and at a loss for words.  The next few weeks were some of the roughest of my life.  Knowing, feeling this baby inside of you knowing at any moment they would be gone.  I felt guilty, but I didn’t want to be pregnant anymore.  It was too much for me to handle.  At the later half of 15 weeks the baby was gone.  I went home laid in bed and felt this emptiness inside of me.  Where do I go from here? 

This is always a reminder that you never know what people are going through.  I make it a point to not ask people about children, when they are getting pregnant, when baby number 2 is coming.  I know being on the other half of it, that people don’t realize how much it hurts.  They don’t know what you are going through. 

It took many months for me to get over that. I just looked at my only child thinking, how lucky I was to have him.  To have such a blissful pregnancy, birth, infancy.  I knew in my heart I needed to be strong.  I have experienced the worst and can now tackle anything.  We decided to start trying again.  This time we were even more cautious once we got that positive pregnancy test.  We didn’t tell a soul until we got back the blood test at about 11 weeks.  Another boy.  I knew I was destined to be a boy mom.  We told our parents, who were ecstatic.  We waited until 20 weeks to put it out into the world that we finally have our rainbow baby.  Marshall was born on May 28^th, 2018.  He was perfect like his brother.  They are the best of friends. 

That brings me to present day.  We always wanted a big family, but due to some outstanding circumstances, we may be done.  I am now focused on being a strong female figure in my boys’ life.  I’m focusing on Raising Good Humans.  The Mom Culture has given me so much confidence as a woman and as a mom.  I know I can accomplish it all. So thankful for Sarah and the whole Mom Culture Community. Thank you!

 -Katie